The Appointment
In the 5th grade, I went to my mother and told her that I had a rash on my vagina. With concern, she scheduled me an appointment for the GPC at Arkansas Children's Hospital. My mom worked during the day, so my Granny brought me to the appointment.
When I arrived at Arkansas Children’s Hospital, they asked me what was going on and I explained the issue that I was experiencing. They did a full body checkup and when they returned there was an individual with them that wasn’t dressed like a nurse or a doctor, he had on slacks and a dress shirt.
He told me “we have a few questions for you” puzzled I responded “okay”. He began to ask me had I ever been “touched” in an inappropriate way? At that moment I knew where this was going. I made up my mind that I could no longer carry around the weight of being sexually abused.
I sat with that unfamiliar person for hours telling him what I had experienced while living in Minnesota and before I knew it my Granny was bringing me to the police department to make a statement.
The Report
The detectives asked me the same questions over and over and I gave them the same statements over and over. I don’t remember being scared but I do remember worrying about what will happen next. Would my abuser go to jail? Would he find me and try to harm me? Would he hurt my family?
During this time, I never knew the results of the investigation but what I do know is like most families the abuse was swept under the rug; no one ever mentioned it. When I became older, I would begin to ask questions and I was able to get the answers I was seeking.
The Results
I carried the sexual abuse into my teenage years. I was angry, upset and snarky. I withdrew from my family, using excuses like "they don't understand me" and "I'm just different" to make up for my emotions.
Now that I am an adult, I realized that I didn't receive the proper treatment to deal with the sexual trauma that I went through. It was hard for me to trust and connect with others. But now that I look back on it; there, I was, 10 years old, on my second abuser and honestly, they wouldn't be last. I digress...
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Thank you so much for reading Part II of "Sharing my Story of Sexual Abuse". If you are reading this and you have experienced sexual abuse; you are not a victim, you are a survivor. There is sexual trauma therapist that can walk you through every emotion you are experiencing. Here are some resources to help you on your healing journey:
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
You are worthy
-Kiara, TBMx